Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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