i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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