I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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