its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
