Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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