I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
