Her vagina should come with caution tape.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
