Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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