just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
