you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
