He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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