Im at strip club and am horny
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
