You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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