she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
