She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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