We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
