Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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