There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
