Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
