College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize