K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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