just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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