I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
