i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
