I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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