I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
