She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize