Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
