Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
