Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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