you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
