I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize