alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So much rum. So many feels.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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