One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
