remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
