dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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