shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
