I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
