I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
