also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
