3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He passed out mid-signature
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
