im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
