i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
