i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
