You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
