My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
