after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize