I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
