and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
