she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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