If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
