You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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