you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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