so explain again why im purple
no
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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