On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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