at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
BRING THE BAGELS
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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