she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
