If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize