My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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