"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
