It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
