um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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