Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
