my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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