Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
a search helicopter?!
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
