We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
