we have officially lost it.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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