What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
