I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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