you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
