Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
