what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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