I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
