Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
