I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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