No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
