i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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