he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
