had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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