No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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