Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
