I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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