I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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