I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
