how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize