I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
