In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
