omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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