Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
