he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
