He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
