first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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