I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
you had me at cake vodka
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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