Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
