My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
