The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
