if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize