Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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