That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
