Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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