Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Please don't give away my fajitas
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
