I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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