oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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