Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
