based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
